In my younger years I was a Clinical Specialist, or Practical Nurse in the U.S. Army which I enjoyed but felt my committment conflicted with my duties as a wife and mom. I did not know at that time what I was experiencing and feeling would be diagnosed as PTSD. In 1999 I began severe migraine headaches.
In 2000 I woke up unable to move my right leg and left arm. My speech was slurred. I literally was only able to crawl out of bed. The neurologist told me I had a form of relapsing remitting degenerative neuromuscular disease. This ended my 22 year career in nursing and started me questioning my life priorites. I was 42 yrs old.
As my physical condition and my emotions deteriorated. I resolved as I had seen in my medical experiences that I was dying. I began having anxiety and panic attacks to the point my breathing would stop.
My thoughts turned to my faith. Not really knowing my earthly father as my parents had divorced when I was 2 yrs old. Faith was a source of direction of my life. Me, his creation, reaping the effects of my sinful nature which would end in my death. This was it. I was tired of life and the pain and heart aches. Come on let's do this and get it over with...
I had not felt a strong relationship with my mother growing up. Possibly due to the fact I was exposed to DES during my mother's pregnancy and born 3 months premature at a weight of about 2 lbs. when they finally took me home it was on a monitor to alert them if I stopped breathing. I did not have much bonding and picking up as a baby because my mom says she was afraid to pick me up.
As I was pregnant with my 3rd child, I had had 2 miscarriages and 2 live births, I was in my usual torrent of emotions and had returned to church to seek direction for myself and my family. I was sitting in the service listening to the parable of the sower of the seeds.
"Hearken; Behold, there went out a sower to sow: And it came to pass, as he sowed, some fell by the way side, and the birds of the air came and devoured it up. And some fell on stony ground, where it had not much earth; and immediately it sprang up, because it had no depth of earth: But when the sun was up, it was scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away. And some fell among thorns, the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit. And other fell on good ground, did yield fruit that sprang up and increased; and brought forth, some thirty, and some sixty, some an hundred. He said unto them, He that has ears to hear, let him hear."
— Mark 4:3-9
Strangely enough I literally saw the heavens open and heard a voice from heaven: "Miki, I love you! I sent my son, Jesus to pay the penalty of your sins!" I broke down and started crying. The beauty of it all and my heavenly Father caring enough to speak to me? The only way I can describe it is I felt a liquid wave of love! Like an empty pitcher being filled to overflowing... I instantly knew God Almighty made me, He loved me, He had a plan for my life! The plan was LOVE and share HIS love with people.
I named my daughter, "Victoria." After the victory I have in JESUS!
So, why the blog? I need to share what is in my heart. To help anyone who will listen. God loves us and does have a plan for our lives AND his creation!
Maybe I am simplistic, but sometimes in the mornings walking my dog I feel
I am in the wilderness. Even though I am walking across normal city streets
and sidewalks and on occasion in a strip mall. It
never ceases to amaze me when someone shouts from a car or comes outside, "Get that dog out of here! I am afraid of those dogs!" And my dog is calmly walking
beside me on his leash and gentle leader head collar, usually in one of his
spiffy outfits I dress him in the cold because he has thin fur. ???? I could even understand
if he were running free and I in hot pursuit, or if he pulled
and lunged on the leash while I huffed and puffed behind him... but really,
these people have a fear based plainly on ignorance and hype from the news
I guess it is really THEY who are in the wilderness of ignorance and
prejudice. When asked by the curious I try to educate them and I tell them what
I know about dog training from what I have learned from my dog obedience classes,
reading books like: "The Dog Who Loved Too Much" - Dr. Nicholas Dodman, and
watching the popular dog reality training shows like "It's Me or the Dog!" with Victoria Stillwell, world renowned dog behaviorist.
For some people unless there is an animal crisis in their
lives they just do not know there is tons of help out there and people who care
deeply about God's precious creations!
I do also pray for them. Because that is my calling: To Love People.
I try to integrate them into God conciousness. Dogs are God's creatures just like
me and you. He made us he loves us and has the plan for our lives.
I had one fellow in a pick up truck stop and say, " I am on my way to work, but I just
wanted you to know. I wish someone would take care of me like
you take care of that dog!" We do have a Father in heaven who cared so much
that he sent the best of the best, Jesus to be our SAVIOR and save us from
our sins for all eternity. We are not promised tomorrow here on earth.
But trusting in his death, burial, and resurrection will bring us into a tomorrow
of eternal JOY!
Hopefully, I can be a witness for his love. One dog lover or dog hater at a time.
In His Grace,
There comes to mind a silver poodle who belonged to my grandmother by the name of "CiCee." She had a litter of puppies by a dog who had jumped in the back yard. We also ended up keeping him and because once he was bathed and clipped he became "Purdy Boy." He was a good and well tempered pet. The 10 puppies were something like poodledoodles. We ended up keeping three of them. "Davy-doo," "Lambchop," & "Waggles." All curly multi colored versions of the parent dogs.
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” Roger Caras